Today was one of the greatest days of my life. I went First Communion shopping with the Goose.
And it might sound silly to say that out of all of the days I have experienced thus far that First Communion dress shopping was one of my favorites. But it was one of my favorites.
It was fun running (yes with an excited Goose you basically run) around the mall with her for hours. Yes it was fun watching her expression turn from fear to elation as she got her ears pierced. Yes it was fun seeing her pride in her dress and her excitement over her veil. And of course it was fun having dinner with her.
But none of that is what made it so amazing.
It was the time afterwards – once we got home.
She was on cloud nine. Her face has to hurt from the ferocity of her grin. But her joy wasn’t about the dress – she didn’t even look at it once since we bought it. She loves the earrings, but that’s not brought about the smile.
What she is most excited about is… me.
When it was her time to go upstairs to read with me tonight, she asked me if we could skip reading and instead just talk about the day. She wanted to rehash every detail. (And that is not normal Goose.) And she didn’t want to let go of my hand. “I want to hold your hand forever mom.” And after she went down to bring her sister up to bed, she ran back upstairs excited because Tessie wasn’t ready. “Mom! That means we can talk even more about today!”
And oh my goodness an excited goose is a sight to behold. My Goose is all heart. She wears it on her sleeve. Most people don’t see it, I think. I see it though, and I think it’s because it’s the part of her that most reminds her of me. She’s sensitive. And she loves so big. She feels big. She’s everything big inside the smallest little body.
And I get to be the recipient of that. I get to share these moments. I get to be her innermost circle.
And it’s not just her. Today the excitement is focused around her, but the true joy is that I get to me mom to all of these girls. I get to be the one there on the fun days and the sacred days and the every days. I get to be the one to hold their hearts. I get to be the one they come to when their days are dark or their fears are too heavy or they just aced the test.
Mothering is hard. Part of why it is so hard is because we are on the inside. Our kids feel most comfortable with us, and so we are the ones who get the worst behavior sometimes. We get to see the fights and be at the rough end of a bad day.
But even in those days I think we have to remember that it’s tough because we are so loved. The push back because they need us so much. We are their home. And homes see it all.
This gig isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s not for those who balk easily. But for every early morning and late night, for every lunch brought to school late and every pair of softball pants rewashed, there are days like today. Days that are like magic. Days that fill us up and make us glad that we were given the honor to get to do this good, holy, important, and beautiful work.
Thank you, Goose. Thank you for being you. Thank you for always needing me. I pray I live up to the trust you place in me.