Who She’s Becoming

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It’s almost daily that I look at my girls and think about how fleeting these moments are.  I’ll listen to their giggles and listen to their little girl play, and I’ll get nostalgic for times that are still very much here.  But it’s almost never that I’ll take a look at them and see what is ahead of us.

Until today.

TJ and Magoo have their Daddy-Daughter dance tonight, or as she likes to call it, the Daddy-Daughter ball.  They went last year and still talk about how much fun they had.  The videos still make me smile.  And so Magoo was filled with excited chatter as we holed ourself up in the bathroom to get her all fancy for her big night.

As I was creating curl after curl after curl (that girl has a lot of hair!) I told her that she looks so fancy that it’s like she’s a princess going to a ball.  She gave me a silly look and said, “Mom, I am going to a ball!” and then she continued her excited talk.

I told her that when I was a girl, I used to go to balls.  She asked me if I went with Grandpa and I told her that yes, I did.  I then went on to tell her that when I got older I went with other boys.  She asked me if the boys were my husbands, and I told her that yes, I did go to a couple with Daddy but that he wasn’t my husband at the time.  I told her we were dating.  She started to ask me what dating meant when she said, “Oh I know!  It’s when someone comes over to your house to play!”  And she moved on to the subject so quickly that I didn’t have a chance to explain the difference between a teenage date and a play date.

But as I sat there perfecting her curls and spritzing my perfume on her wrists, I started to get a glimpse of the Magoo who is to come.  The tween Magoo and the teenage Magoo and even the bridal Magoo.  I got the slightest and ever so fleeting glimpse of the young woman that will one day fill her shoes.  And half an hour later I am still choked up.

Usually when I think about my girls growing up, I get sad.  But today I wasn’t sad.  Today I was grateful.  Grateful that I get to take this journey with them.  Grateful that I get a front row seat to the transformation of these beautiful little girls into beautiful young women.  Grateful that I get to play a part in it.  Grateful that I get to help show them the way.  Grateful that for always and forever, I will be their mama.  Their one and only ever Mama.

When I was having a rough time after Magoo was born, I remember feeling as if I got kicked out of the world.  I was stranded inside my house without a car for ten hours a day every day.  I had almost no human contact during that time.  It made me feel unimportant.

But helping her get her mary janes buckled up this evening, unimportant was the furthest feeling from my heart.  All of a sudden I felt vitally important.  I felt crucial.  I felt irreplaceable.  Because should something ever happen to me, there will be people who can take over my duties.  But as a mom to a girl, there is absolutely no one who can take my place in their heart.

That’s the gift these three little ladies have given me.  That’s the blessing of this crazy, beautiful life.  That of all the people in all of history in all the world, I am the one who gets to help guide them through this journey.

What is more awesome than that!

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