So Very Near to God

At the expense of bragging, I have to say that I am almost always in awe of my eldest.  The child can remember anything she has ever read.  At seven, she already knows more about some topics than I do, and I’ll ask her how she knows such details and she’ll just tell me about a book she read it in once.  Needless to say, with a memory and comprehension like that, we are careful what we give her to read.

She is in American Heritage Girls which is a scouting program.  She is currently working on earning a religious medal.  There are about 18 different steps she has to complete in her workbook, and then she gets to earn her medal in a couple of months during a special Mass.

She has off today for Columbus Day, and since the little two are sleeping, I figured now would be a good time to get some more of the requirements completed.

One of them asked us to read John 6:1-15 which is the story of Jesus feeding the crowd with the loaves and fish.  I had heard this story multiple times, but I wasn’t aware that she had.  She heard which story it was, and she started reciting it.  She was giving me the exact number of loaves and how many people were there.  I asked her where she learned of this story, and she said she read it once in her children’s Bible.

She had actually decided she didn’t want to do this requirement and instead wanted to do another, but since I had been looking forward to this, we completed it just for fun.

After reading through it, we talked about it a bit.  We talked about why reading about miracles is beneficial for us.  We talked about how the people who were there at the time probably felt.

We ended by talking about ways we could grow in our faith as a family.  We talked about how before she was born her father and I wouldn’t always go to Mass.  (Well, really never went to Mass.)  She was surprised, but I told her that people get confused and make mistakes.  I told her we went to Confession and she obviously knows now that we always go.

I wasn’t sure if I should tell her about those years when we were lapsed.  But I kept it short and simple, and in the end, I wanted to be open with her, and I want her to know from the very beginning that when a person falls away (and I think we all do either physically or perhaps just spiritually) that we can come right back and that the door is always open.  And it’s also extremely important to me that she knows that I make mistakes frequently.

But as we were having this discussion, I couldn’t help but stand there in awe of her.  Her faith is so simple.  And with faith, simplicity is where beauty is found.

She believes in God.  She believes He loves her.  She believes He wants to help her.

We talked about making mistakes and how every single person in the world makes mistakes, but some people think they don’t or they think they can handle them on their own.  We spoke about how it’s so important that we remember that we are imperfect and the only way to be truly forgiven for our sins is through God.

And we spoke about kindness and how we really and truly try to be kind people.  But we also spoke about how all that kindness comes from God.  We spoke about how many people think they can do good things on their own, but we know that all goodness and kindness comes from God.

And she trusts in it all and believes in it all.  And I’m sitting here struggling.  Struggling for humility and faith and trust.

Children are so close to God.  I never realized just how much until I held them in my arms.

As we age, our faith matures.  There are bumps in the road.  We take two steps forward and one step back.  We overthink.  We undertrust.  We get distracted.  We get discouraged.  We get arrogant.

And it’s all inevitable.  It’s part of our nature.

But when I look at my children, I can’t help but long for their faith.

And I know that the simplicity is fleeting.  It won’t last forever.  One day they will be in the same messy boat that I am.

My hope though is always to set them off on the right track.  Protect them as much as I can from the traps of this world.  Help them stay as pure and as faith filled as they are at this moment.

This world will try to break them.  And the odds are that it will at least succeed at creating substantial cracks.

But they have their mama on their side, and as much as so many people disagree with me and this logic, I will continue to try to protect them and shield them.  They have their guardian angels, and they have God to protect them.  But God also gave them a mama, and we must be their fiercest guardians.