It’s kind of been a rough couple of weeks. I had just finished running some errands for TH and had finished dropping everyone where they needed to go, and I was in the car with Tessie on my way to drag myself into the doctor to see if this illness I’ve had for I don’t know how long now could be strep or bronchitis or if it’s just the blessings of 8 or so days breathing in dry hospital air.
I was thinking how rough things had been when it hit me.
The only reason things are rough is because I have so many blessings to minister to.
I have the most amazing four little girls.
I have one who woke up every morning TJ was in the hospital and made lunches for everyone. She would see me overwhelmed and ask me what I needed. She helped her sisters. And now that TJ is home and I’m not running to the hospital at all hours, I told her she could go back to being the kid, and I could take care of her. That girl has a servant’s heart of pure gold. She’s sweet and holy and oh so good.
And I have a Goosie who is struggling. She’s so exquisitely sensitive under it all. That sensitivity will break her heart at times, but it will also allow her to build monuments. Monuments of love and compassion and truth and light and gentleness. And those monuments will help her build bridges and build a life, and it’s so beautiful to watch.
And I have a Mae who is a little wrecking ball. At this stage, she’s all will, but luckily for us, most of that passion is dedicated to making people smile and laugh. She is remarkably empathetic. She can pick up on other people’s emotions as well as someone three times her age. It makes her a little upset when she senses anger or frustration, but it also makes her kind and loving and sweet and oh so social.
And there’s my little Tessie. Right now, for an almost unbelievably short amount of time, she is all mine. She adores her sisters and her daddy, but she’d spend her life laying on my lap, eating, cuddling, and being read to. She’s quickly developing into her own person, but for now I am being selfish and I’m hoarding the moments where she is content to just be with me. When she’s happy to just let the world go by and spend the heartbeats in my arms.
And then there’s TJ. Last week he was lying in an ICU hospital room. He could barely talk to me. It was dark and quiet and there were so many doctors and nurses. And there were even more tubes and monitors and needles. There were ice packs and alarms and wound dressings. And all I wanted him to do was to translate to me all of the medical speak and tell me that everything would be okay. But he couldn’t. But as I sat there and watched him fight, I saw everything else of the last seventeen years slip away and all that was left was him. The person who was chosen for me. The person wh built a life for me. And the person who fights so very hard for our family. And I knew that at that moment he was fighting for us.
And I guess in the end, I’m also grateful for what I learned about myself. That I learned that I could do hard things. (Thanks Glennon Melton!). That I could survive. That I have the strength. And that when push comes to shove, I can take care of my people.
And then there are all the the others – the people we couldn’t have survived this without. But that’s for another day and a different post.
Sorry for any and all typos – I just wrote this on my phone in the Fox’s parking lot, and I have to go in and feed Tessie quickly.!