Last Tuesday we were pretty sure that school would be cancelled the next day because of the cold. When Magoo was ready to change out of her uniform, I told her to make sure she hung it on the hook on the back of her door because I know how things can tend to get lost when there is a mini-break.
I saw it a few minutes later on the floor in the bathroom, and I reminded her to go bring it upstairs. I know that she did, in fact, bring it upstairs because she came down and told me that she folded it into a pile near the hook rather than actually hanging it up because… well I can’t remember the reason, but she gave me one.
Then comes Thursday morning. I hadn’t worried about gathering up her uniform the night before because I remembered that she put it where it belonged on Tuesday. I’m downstairs making breakfast when I hear, “Mom! My uniform isn’t up here!”
And that brought the familiar weekday scuffle. We eventually found her uniform. Under a chair in the kitchen. You know. Because why wouldn’t it be there.
We’ve had multiple other such issues lately with all members of our family. I am definitely not excluded.
Raising three little kids is crazy. Especially in a Chicago winter when every trip anywhere requires boots, coat, mittens (two nonetheless!), a hat, and a scarf. And then there are backpacks and lunches and everything else that goes with a growing family.
And I am growing insane. Things that clearly have homes and are not being put there. Chores I ask to be done are not being done. Important things are being lost. And I am the one paying the consequences as little ones (at least mine) aren’t particularly adept at locating lost items.
And as I found myself slowly losing touch with sanity, I realized that a change needed to be made. I was going to explain to them for the dozenth time that their winter gear has to go exactly where it belongs. Items need to be hung up on the hooks. And we would talk about cleaning up after ourselves. We would just keep having this discussion until it sunk it.
And then I realized that in a way, all this is doing is putting out fires. It’s finding areas of irresponsibility and it’s trying to fix them. But it’s guided by convenience and productivity rather than some greater value.
And so I thought about how I had a word of the year for myself last year, and I thought it would be a good idea to come up with one for this year. And instantly “responsibility” came to mind.
I want my family to act out our values. I want them to understand why these things are important. I want decisions to be made based upon principles and morals rather than upon what feels best at the time or what might be the most convenient or efficient.
And so that is what we are going to focus on this year. We’ve spent a couple of dinners talking about responsibility and what exactly it means. It’s a tough concept to explain to littles because it encompasses a lot, but Magoo understands and we’ll work on it with Goosie.
My goal is to keep talking about this all year long and come up with different projects to emphasize it.
We’ve started talking about the different responsibilities that each member of our family has. As soon as I’m willing to brave a slushy parking lot with the girls, I am going to buy some poster board, and we are going to create a family responsibility chart where we talk about the different responsibilities we all have. This isn’t meant to be a to do list. It’s just to show the girls that we all have multiple different responsibilities, and I hope that over time it helps show them that we all have to maintain our responsibilities or else the whole machine crumbles.
Then we are going to finally start our chore chart. I don’t have the girls do a whole lot of chores at this point because Magoo is always my helper, and she is so good at it, so I don’t want to add a whole lot more. Our chores at this point are going to focus on taking responsibility for our stuff and our actions.
So the chart will include things like putting away winter gear, putting dirty clothes in the hampers, cleaning up our toys at the end of the day, and putting away our own clean laundry. I figure each day, they can earn a sticker when they complete all of these. And on days that they decide to absolutely destroy their room by 9am, they won’t get a sticker unless it is cleaned up by bedtime. And I don’t have to constantly remind them to do these things. Hopefully the stickers will do the nagging for me.
And my hope too is that it will start putting the consequences on the individual. Sure, I will still have to be the one to find all lost items and put out all of the fires, but they also will start facing consequences for their actions by not earning a sticker. And like most 6,3, and 1 year olds, stickers are a very big deal.
Once we ge better at these very simple responsibilities, then I hope to move forward and give them a bit more responsibility around the house – maybe setting the table or feeding the dog. And then eventually, I want to start talking about taking responsibility with our time. Making sure we do the most important things first. I assume time management will completely go over Goosie’s head, and I’m not sure how much Magoo will be able to get it, but I figure we can at least lay the seeds now.
I’m just starting to learn that the more you focus on tasks and to do lists, the less people want to do them. They feel arbitrary. They can feel like punishment. And in the end, to do lists in and of themselves don’t give people a reason or a guideline on how to act in unfamiliar situations. But if I’m able to teach them a virtue like responsibility, then I hope it can act as a guide throughout their lives.
I have no false hopes that all of a sudden my one year old will be cleaning up her toys at the end of the day or that this will make my three year old want to keep her shoes anywhere but on top of the ceiling fans, but it’s a start. And with kids, you have to meet them where they are. Actually with all of us, we need to be met where we are.
I want to be a good mom. I want to raise responsible children, but even more than that, I want to raise children who hold themselves accountable for living up to their own sets of values and morals. I want them to see a greater purpose. I want them to be good stewards of their blessings.
So often life just seems overwhelming and chaotic. My prayer is that they are soaking up values by watching TJ and I live them and watching their teachers and peers and priests living them at school. But I’d also like to be just a bit more conscious about it.
So what about you? Do you have a word of the year for your family? How do you work on teaching your littles responsibility? What changes have you made it your house that have made things just ever so slightly less chaotic?