Blogging is Scary

I used to love blogging.  It used to be my lifeline.  I used to get almost a high from writing my feelings and thoughts out and sharing them with people.  For me, it was a lesson in existing.  It helped me realize that my opinions were valid and that the world wouldn’t shatter if I shared them.

It was liberating.

Lately though, it hasn’t felt like that.  Lately I’ve been really anxious for a day or two after I publish a post.  All I can think of is all of the readers out there taking my words and analyzing them and rejecting them.

See there’s this nasty thing about writers — we have almost a compulsion to share our words and ideas and yet we are often way more sensitive to criticism and rejection than your average person.  It’s a tough place to be.

And obviously our current climate doesn’t help anything.  A climate where everyone is sitting there waiting to jump on someone for expressing any opinion that differs from theirs.  A world where we no longer prioritize respect and we strive to gain respect by demonizing the other side.

It’s ugly.  It’s all so ugly.  And writing makes me feel like I’m smack dab in the middle of it.

A few years ago I followed a well-known blog that I loved.  I looked forward to reading what the writer had to say and the glimpses into her life that she offered.  But then slowly she stopped.  Instead of posting her thoughts, she was just posting recipes and reviews and random pictures of her life.

Eventually she came on and wrote about how she stepped back because she couldn’t stand the stress of the rejection and the criticism.  At the time I thought it was so sad that she stepped back from her passion because of what others said.

But now I think I understand.

To me, the only good writing is honest writing.  It seems pointless to share something that isn’t real, and it’s really only the most raw writing that appeals to people.  We all want to see our reality in someone else, and that’s usually only possible when we share the parts that the world doesn’t often see.

But it’s hard.  It’s so darn hard.

I keep thinking back to that other blog, and I don’t want to go the direction she went.  I don’t want to give it up because it got too hard.  And honestly I don’t feel like I have that luxury because writing is the only thing that keeps me sane.

But somehow I have to figure out some way to make it work.  Perhaps instant publishing writing isn’t the direction for me.  Then again, I just renewed my domain name for another year.

About Amanda

I blog about deliberate, purposeful living and parenting. I'm a bit sappy. I mostly like to talk about ideas that inspire me to more effectively live and interact with the world around me. Sometimes I try to be funny, but there is a slight chance that I am the only one who actually gets my humor.
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7 Responses to Blogging is Scary

  1. Nadia says:

    Thanks for this. It is scary. I go through the same thing, and I think that’s partly why I’ve been so inactive on my blog. I overthink WAY too much. I get so anxious after d corny or like I’m trying to hard? Who do I think I am sharing my thoughts on this topic? And yet, I so want share. To w

  2. Nadia says:

    The last word up there should be “write.” 🙂

  3. Nadia says:

    I get so anxious after I publish a post and over think it to death and wonder if it’s dumb or corny. Sorry, that’s what I meant to say in my comment up there. Not sure why it got fragmented.

  4. Nadia says:

    Also, I feel like I go through episodes of mania when I write. I become desperate, obsessed and thrilled all at the same time. It’s a high! Then afterwards I wonder… is the writing any good or was it my crazy writing state that made me feel like it was?

    • Amanda says:

      Hahahaha YES!! A lot of times I feel like I can’t take credit for anything I write. I just sit down and type and the words come to me and I just type them. Does that sound weird? Definitely a high. Definitely thrilling. And definitely weird afterwards.

  5. Nadia says:

    Hence the name Mad Girl Writing…

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